Sometimes anger can cause us to get stuck on an emotional level and then we don’t move through other emotions appropriately and eventually get “Over it”. When we don’t let go of built up anger in a healthy way, we may find that we get angry at people who are completely innocent. If we do voice our anger, and particularly aim it at the person who has made us feel this way, we can damage our future relationship with that person. Often guilt can follow.
Kids automatically know how to let their bodies release the anger. Many parents stop kids expressing anger in a healthy way and make it a ‘wrong’ emotion.
We can observe about how kids express anger. They don’t last long – they often ‘get over it’ quickly and move on when allowed to express the emotion fully in a safe way.
When we are taught what to do with how we feel, when we get angry we do try to suppress it, pretend it didn’t or deny it. It is important to express anger in a healthy way and move on. Anger can be seen as an ‘offensive’ emotion.
Some ‘rules’ for adults to process anger in a healthy way:
- Be Private –It is not necessary to process our anger in public or with other people. Try to keep it private. Self-awareness of what people see and hear may help control our behaviours. Do we really want to be judged by an angry outburst that may only happen infrequently?
- Be Safe – for yourself and others. It is not necessary or acceptable to take your anger out in a physical way. (“Find another way, save the day, walk away”) Learn what your triggers are. Our bodies give many clues. Check and find out what signals your body gives you before you ‘lose control’. This way, you may learn to control any outbursts, take time to think it through and manage to find a calmer way forward.
Anger can come and go. Be aware of your triggers. Clear the air when you are calm, not being aggressive, (verbally or physically abusive). It is important to release anger, it is an emotion, although not always necessary. (Unless your life is at risk or someone else’s).
Turn the energy of anger into a positive emotion/energy. We can all be heard BUT no one is going to listen to an angry rant.
Process your anger.
After releasing anger it is important to process the event, situation or relationship. Learn from it. Take the time to learn about your- self and the people around you.