Archives for Relationships

To Advise or Not to Advise? That is the Question!

To Advise or Not to Advise? That is the Question! It is the age old question, what does a woman want when she shares her problem with you?  I recall as a child, my mother telling me “a woman wants to be heard, listened to, understood… yet a man is programmed to fix things and often jumps to advice before listening enough to address the woman’s needs”. In recent weeks this exact issue has reared its head numerous times in my counselling room and so it is apparent it needs some air time. Doug… “I don’t even know what I
Read More

Categories: Relationships.

Energy Flows and Self Care

Do the people in your life energize or deplete you? Today we are talking about some of the common reasons we can be depleted of energy via our relationships and how you can analyze them and make changes to help bring more energy back to you. We live in a mutual world where we spend our days giving and sharing with others. Sometimes these relationships are reciprocal displaying an even amount of giving in both directions. But some of our relationships are more one directional, with energies and time being directed mostly from one person to the other, with very
Read More

Categories: Relationships and Self Care.

What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Stronger

We are often told “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, but we also know that event/tragedy/fight or whatever else is being referred to can be unbelievably challenging at the time – regardless of strengths, lessons or capabilities that come from it. I have recently had the privilege of working with a family who was referring to this very notion in relation to past difficulties which have led to a resilience that has recently become very valuable as they faced the biggest and hardest challenge of their lives. The woman said to me “we have had very difficult times in
Read More

Categories: Relationships.

Your Bottom Line: How Crossable Is It?

We all have them, or claim to have them. The lists of things that would spell the end of a relationship for us. This line moves and is evidenced by different things depending on the relationships that we are referring to. Many of us will claim to have clearly defined line with a work colleague (“if she speaks to me that way one more time I’m out of here”) yet state that there is no line in our relationship with our children (“I will stand by my son no matter what he did”). We also have different lines for our
Read More

Categories: Relationships.

Understanding One Another

Arguing the merits of one’s position is wasted energy: facts and realities are nowhere near as definite as you would think.  Perhaps it’s time to stop pushing your point across in an attempt to get the other person to see the FACTS, and start being curious about how the other person is INTERPRETING the “facts”. You work long hours in an attempt to provide for your family, you feel that the best way… to show your love and commitment to those you love is by making them secure. BUT your partner interprets this differently… They tell you repeatedly that you
Read More

Categories: Relationships.

Forgiveness or Not?

Why do we forgive? Is it for others or do we do it for ourselves? The answer to this is perhaps the reason why some of us can forgive, yet others struggle to let go. What are the benefits and consequences of the forgiveness paths for you? If you chose to not forgive who wears the burden of this choice? But what about when forgiveness is not an option, how do we live with the fear, anger and pain? As discussed previously there are always choices: walk way and start on a new path stay as you are, and continue
Read More

Categories: Relationships.

Paper Dolls – More than meets the eye.

His name is Mwangi and he is from a village called  Kajiado in Maasi land Kenya.  Mwangi did not speak English but he  decided that while I was teaching at his school I was his adoped Mzungu or white person. He followed me everywhere. Even turning up to classes in the afternoon when baby class had finished. Language was no barrier to the things we could learn from each other.  Mwangi was an orphan.  He had lost his parents and older sister to AIDs.  This meant that he was being cared for by extended family.  Mwangi had never seen colouring
Read More

Categories: Relationships.

How Frienship REALLY Works

It is often interesting to look at the roles that people play in our lives. When we stop and realise the important parts played by individuals, we can stop judging them in relation to everyone else. Some friends keep you feeling young; others prop you up when you’re feeling down; some are key to making us feel ‘normal’; while others keep us ‘real’; and we all need the responsible friend who remind us that its sensible to make the choices that we make.   All sounds wonderful, until you start to look at the things you don’t appreciate… the one
Read More

Categories: Relationships.